okay so my 39th birthday has come and gone. the days leading up to it were ...well, hard! i was emotional, anxious and felt miserable. i realized that this was definitely a mid-life crisis and acknowledged such. but i woke the morning of my birthday ready for this surprise adventure. i had a pretty good idea of what was coming, but that just made me more excited for the day!
i had such a good time that day. time for reflection. time with the kids. time to let go and let things unfold as they would. somewhere along this day something started to feel different. like the mid-life crisis turned to a mid-life awakening.
i realized how much my own expectations had been causing my funky mood. for me it's not others expectations and the fear of disappointing them that gets in my way. and it's not feeling less because i'm not keeping up with the Jones's that gets me down. it's my own made up ideas and ideals that cause me to "should" on myself. so coming up to the end of my 39th year and the beginning of the 40th, it wasn't the wrinkles or life's impermanence that was getting me into my tail spin, it was all this "should-ing". thoughts like, "by this age i should have my act more together", "i should have traveled more", "i should have myself more established." all of this i made up in my own head. And then you know what follows all this "should-ing" ... yup, blaming, "why me" and wishing.
so i let it all go! snap! just like that. i decided to just let life unfold like i did the day of my birthday. now, we did set out with a desire and an intention. and we did have a plan, which changed throughout the day, which required flexibility, spontaneity and letting go of artificial timelines. and the day required us to slow down appreciate things along the way, keep in mind the desire and intention we set out with and be patient. and most of all i let go of all expectations and just loved and laughed all along the way. using this approach there was no way to fail or fall short, just set out on a path and see how it unfolds. it's interesting and so much more enjoyable!
i'm still going to keep on going with my orginal intention of doing 39 new things. and now that i'm in my 40th year of life there are lots of things i plan to do this year to really celebrate and enjoy this landmark year! embrace it, savor it and love every minute of it! i have some fun things i'd like to try and i'm curious as ever to see how it will all pan out!
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